Flirting Academy (sketch)/Transcript
Whitney: Alright, everyone. First things first, let's talk about you. You are all here because you struggle with flirting. Okay? So, what we're... oh, yes, Jeremy? Jeremy: Um, I sometimes cry around beautiful women. Is that normal? Whitney: Ah, yes. We will talk about that, yes... Well, most of you are very successful, smart, attractive people, but flirting is not your strong suit, so Stephen, why don't you stand up and tell us about yourself, okay? Stephen: Hi, I'm Stephen, I'm a partner of one of the big law firms in town. I also love soccer, I played a few years in college. Whitney: Alright... and Mallory, why don't you do the same? Tell us about yourself. Mallory: Okay, um, I'm Mallory, I'm the head editor at a publishing company down the road, and, um, I also play the violin in the city orchestra. Whitney: Great. Now you both seem like very socially apt people, so I want you to turn to each other, and talk to one another. Whitney: Oh, oh, oh! Okay. Stephen: No. No, I can't. Whitney: Okay, yeah. Okay. Well, um, Exhibit A, my friends. Flirting does not come naturally to us all. Some of us are born flirtatious right from the womb, and, you know, some of us are better at algebra, or whittling, or grave-digging. It's another one, but you know what, there is hope, my friends, you just have to stick to the basic principles, okay? So today, we're going to work on ice breaking. Breaking that ice, alright? So, we're going to start with the first time that you see somebody, so everybody stand up on your feet, okay? Up, up, up. Whitney: Alright, now I want you all to close your eyes, and imagine that you're in a crowded club. There's music and dancing, and you see someone from across the room that you'd like to flirt with. He or she is very attractive, and suddenly, your eyes meet. Now remember, maintaining eye contact... maintaining eye contact is very crucial in any flirtatious exchange, so what I want you all to do now, is open your eyes, and show me the face that will say "Well, hello you. Let's get together." Okay? So show... oh. Whitney: Hands down, Jason. Hands down. Okay? Matt, Matt, it might help if you were facing the girl that you wanted to talk to. Okay, so... Oh, Natalie! Hey. Hey, there. Natalie, is that your normal face, or do you smell something awful? Natalie: No, this is my saucy face. Whitney: What face do you make if you do smell something? You know what, that's perfect. Why don't we just keep it at that, okay? Okay, Jeremy. Jeremy, you got to lighten up, okay. They're just women. Have a seat, have a seat, okay, buddy? Okay. Okay, buddy. Stephen. What is... what are you doing? Where did you get those bubbles? What if you don't have bubbles in the crowded club? Stephen: No, no, I always have bubbles. Whitney: Okay, we will discuss that later, okay. Sit down, sit down. Mallory. Hey, Mallory, um... you want to maybe have a little less rage in your face? You look a little murderous. Okay... maybe mix that rage with surprise. Okay, maybe surprise and fear? Surprise and shame! Okay, you know, comparatively, that's better. Okay, just sit down. Whitney: Okay, why don't we... why don't we just work on our alluring faces more next week, okay? So, for our next one, let's get Natalie and Matt up here, okay? Stand up, stand up. We're going to work on approaching the person you want to flirt with. This is very simple, okay? So Matt, I want you to walk up to Natalie the way that you would approach a girl that you want to flirt with, okay? Alright, let's see it. Wow, wow, wow, Matt. Natural. No, you don't, you don't, you don't skip. No, Natalie, Natalie, you have to hold your ground, okay? They have to... Matt, Matt, Matt, stop moving your arms! You have... you have to move them a little bit. Matt! Sit down, sit down! Okay, no, both of you, sit down. Whitney: Okay, let's move on. Okay? Jason, why don't you come up here, okay? Mallory, both of you, both of you come up here, okay? Now, humor is a great ice breaker. He makes a clever joke, and she laughs at it, and maybe he uses this as an opportunity to establish some playful physical contact, okay? So, Jason, I want you to just try it out, okay? Say something witty to her, alright? Okay. Jason: You're a woman, and I would like to flirt at you. Dang it! Whitney: That's great, that's great. Mallory: I'm supposed to laugh at that? It wasn't funny, so... Whitney: Mallory, it doesn't matter if it's funny or not. Mallory: Okay. Whitney: Okay. You laugh hard and then you give him a playful nudge. It lets him know you're interested. Mallory: Okay. Playful nudge. Okay. Whitney: But Jason, why don't we try something with a little more gusto this time? Maybe with a punchline? Okay? We could try that. Okay, so let's get a little closer. Get a little... little closer, Mallory. Mallory, closer. Jason: I speaketh to you right now! Whitney: Okay. Yeah, you laugh. Now some playful physical contact. Oh. Okay, no. Little softer than that, Mallory. Mallory: Like that? Whitney: Maybe not in the face so much? No, Mallory, Mallory! In the arm, nudge his arm! Playfully! Playfully, Mallory! Mallory: Playful? Whitney: No, you're choking him! You're choking him! Mallory: This feels natural! Whitney: Stop! Stop! Sit down! Sit down! Okay. Mallory: Sorry. Sorry. Whitney: No, no, Jason, you stay up here, okay, no. Whitney: Mallory, why don't I show you how to do it? Okay? Mallory: Okay. Whitney: Okay. It's like this: "Jason, you are so funny!" Jason: Thank you. Whitney: Yeah, you see... no, no, no, no. No, don't ever... no, don't feel bad! Don't feel bad! I mean, you're really very charming, so... no. I wasn't singling you out, okay? You all are very charming. Whitney: Class dismissed. Category:Season 2